Last year was not balanced.
Not physically.
Not mentally.
Not professionally.
There were health issues that made me suddenly aware of how fragile I actually am. There were nights when my mind wouldn’t slow down. There were work moments that felt heavier than they should have — like everything I had built was tilting slightly out of alignment.
It felt like every part of my life was turning at once.
And I didn’t feel steady on it.
For a long time, I tried to solve it the way I solve most things: by tightening control. By pushing harder. By proving I could handle it.
But I realized that I can’t muscle my way into peace.
Sometimes life turns whether you are ready or not. Like a wheel that keeps moving — not against you, just moving. And you either panic with it, or you learn to stand differently.
Last year, I had to learn to stand differently.
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When I Didn’t Feel Like Myself
There were days my body felt unfamiliar. Days when my thoughts felt louder than my logic. Days when work didn’t energize me the way it used to.
I kept telling myself:
“Once this is fixed, I’ll feel like myself again.”
But what if this was myself? Just tired. Just stretched. Just learning.
Self-love, I realized, is not feeling radiant.
It’s not abandoning yourself when you don’t.
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Learning to Work With the Wildness
There is something instinctive in all of us.
A part that reacts before it reasons. A part that feels deeply. A part that wants more than what is safe.
I used to think maturity meant smoothing that part out. Calming it down. Making it easier to manage.
But maybe the point isn’t to erase the wildness.
Maybe it’s to guide it.
To hold it without letting it burn everything down.
There’s a difference between suppressing something and shaping it — like letting a design keep its pulse while adjusting its edges until it feels wearable. Not fully tamed. Just balanced enough to live with.
That’s what I’m learning about myself.
Staying Instead of Fixing
The biggest shift wasn’t dramatic.
It was this:
Instead of trying to “fix” myself, I started staying with myself.
When I felt anxious, I didn’t shame it.
When I felt tired, I didn’t override it.
When I felt uncertain, I didn’t label it as weakness.
I stopped performing resilience.
And slowly, things softened.
Not because everything got better overnight — but because I stopped fighting who I was in that moment.
There’s something grounding about choosing to stay. Like keeping a small anchor close to your heart — not because it solves everything, but because it reminds you that steadiness is something you build, not something you wait for.
What I Want This International Women’s Day
This year, I don’t want achievement.
I don’t want applause.
I don’t want to prove anything.
I want equilibrium.
I want a mind that feels clear enough to breathe in.
A body that feels respected instead of pushed.
Work that feels meaningful instead of overwhelming.
And I want to wear something that reminds me of that decision — something that turns gently, not violently. Something that blends into my life instead of demanding attention. A small, steady reminder that growth doesn’t have to be dramatic to be real.
This International Women’s Day, I don’t want to become more.
I want to remain.
To remain loyal to myself.
To remain honest about what I need.
To remain soft where I can, and strong where I must.
Last year shook my balance.
This year, I’m choosing to build it.
And maybe that’s what strength really looks like.
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If you are in a season where everything feels slightly off — in your health, your mind, your work — I hope you don’t abandon yourself in the middle of it.
Stay.
Not perfectly.
Not impressively.
Just honestly.
That might be enough.
